On this episode, we talk about many things, one of them being sex. Most importantly we discuss being an advocate for your marriage. Life in the Clouds is a twice-monthly podcast where we discuss marriage, family and everything in between.

Twitter: @gods_man @inthecloudspod

Email: feedback@lifeinthecloudspod.com

Blog: https://www.lifeinthecloudspod.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lifeinthecloudspod

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lifeinthecloudspod

Good Morning, my name is Carlton Matthews and this is the Minute. 60 seconds, something interesting... Just enough to get you started.

So to flesh out The Who am I statement from yesterday, I want to start with my most important role, husband. My wife and I will be starting our 17th year of marriage in April, though we have been together for 21. We met online before it was cool. In fact there was a concern that I was at best some internet weirdo and at worst an ace murderer.

Together we live in the whirlwind of life holding onto each other.

What is your primary relationship? How did it come about?

This has been The Minute, now go get started.

Marriage is a game of offense and defense but not in the way that you think. Consider your strengths the things that bring you and your spouse together. Your weaknesses on the other hand push you apart. Our goal as a couple should be to build on our strengths and defend against our weaknesses.

Surround yourself with people and visit places that encourage your marriage.

This has been your marriage minute. Join us for the next Life in the Clouds podcast.

go Go GO!

So I asked my bride to give me a topic to speak about and she said I should go with what we know... Change. So today's Marriage minutes is to be transformational.

One of the things that happens in marriage is living life on default. While establishing a rhythym is good, healthy even, it can also lead to bad patterns. In order to break out of these habits you have to change things up.

What do you change? here is wher eI throw converntional wisdom out the door. I don't want you to pick some gigantic goal. I want you to choose something small and focus on that. Create some positive momentum by taking incrememtal steps each day.

This has been your marriage minute.

My bride says to tell you, "Change is good, change things up."

go Go GO!

Having some ice cream

As they are considering podcasting we invited them onto our show and had a fun time talking about marriage. Take a listen.

The Life in the Clouds Podcast had their first live event last weekend. We spoke to Renovate Life Church, our home church, closing out the series on marraige. You can see the livestream above.

If you want to hear us preparing for the event you can listen to the latest episode of the podcast below.

Finally here are our notes.

Carlton- Our family statistics- we live in the whirlwind; it doesn’t just happen to us; we actually make our home there.

Example: Graduation-marriage-ministry-princess mighty-MD….princess mini....ordination…..the little prince…..now it’s 20 years later.

Personality stats- Carlton likes to cook with all the pots and pans, on all the burners. I like 1 pot/pan wonders in the oven- set it and forget it and minimize the mess. Our personalities and ways look diametrically opposed, but the beauty of it is that God brought us together to become one.

Scripture

'So all the generations from Abraham to David were fourteen generations, and from David to the deportation to Babylon fourteen generations, and from the deportation to Babylon to the Christ fourteen generations. ' - Matthew 1:17

God has a multigenerational vision and as his creation we need to have a similar eye.

What are you doing that will live beyond you? Children? Business? Legacy

Our lives are not our own
Contrary to what the world is telling us

Different people will enter our lives

Our lives before marriage matter - Singleness
Our lives during our marriage matter
Our lives after our marriage matter - Till Death Do Us Part

During our pre-marital counseling we were asked to create a vision - we want our marriage to be both impacted by and impactful to the people around us. This means that we need to be connected to the right people. Our marriage will not survive in a vacuum

As singles we had family, mentors and friends pouring into our lives.

As marrieds we have other families praying for us and around us.

As parents we have other parents praying for us and around us.

Lesson #1 - Heed the Lessons and the Warnings Around You

Wisdom and Folly call out to us in the street. Proverbs is a good illustration.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” - ‭Proverbs‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Lessons I have learned (Carlton)

• Marriage is permanent; far from casual
• Marriage is difficult; effort and hard work is required
• Marriage is fun
• Marriage is rewarding

Lesson #2 - What You have Learned is not Just for You

The value of marriage is when it is shared. Acts is a good illustration.

“And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.” - ‭‭Acts‬ ‭2:42-45‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The Gospel spread house to house; Family to family.

Share Your Story/Life - Shared lives - This is why we enjoy counseling and recommend it to every couple we meet. Marital and pre-marital. I know there is a stigma about counseling after marriage. Don’t wait until you have an issue to seek out a 3rd party.

What works for us/Principles we have learned and teach

1. Focus and develop a relationship with God
2. Your Spouse Is Not Your Enemy
3. Only One Can be Crazy at Any One Time
4. Have a Budget; review and change it
5. Fight Fair; no slander
6. Plan for Fun

So keeping with yesterday's post about doing the impossible. One of the most impossible things for my wife and I for many years of our marriage was to have a success Valentines Day. For the first 13 years of our 16 year marriage, Valentines Day would always result in us being mad with each other. We couldn't explain why, we don't typically fight, but somehow on Valentines Day we would be mad with each other. It was so bad that we would mark V-Day on the calendar and go out of our way to just avoid each other until it was over. That is difficult when you have 2 daughters who wanted to do cards, ballons and such. Then 3 years ago we righted the ship. What wasit that changed our situation? I have no idea. All I do know is that we decided that it had been long enough and BOOM no V-Day fight.

We decided to celebrate our 3rd successful Valentines Day with a quick podcast episode. I hope you enjoy it.

You can find us in your podcast player of choice by searching Life in the Clouds.

You can send us an email at feedback@lifeinthecloudspod.com

You can find all of our other episodes over at Life In The Clouds

In this episode, we share our house hunting adventures as we continue our discussion of communication.

You can find Life in the Clouds on Podomatic, iTunes, Google Play, and now Stitcher Radio.

In this episode, we talk about finding ways to enhance your relationship through conversation.

Deidre introduces everyone to 88 GREAT Conversation Starters for Husbands and Wives.

Carlton Shares 7 Ways to Improve your Marriage from the Gottman Institute.

You can find Life in the Clouds on Podomatic, iTunes, Google Play, and now Stitcher Radio.

In this episode we talk about establishing patterns and consistency in marriage. Leave a comment below and let us know what you think.

You can find Life in the Clouds on Podomatic, iTunes, Google Play, and now Stitcher Radio.

In this episode we try out a new mic setup, discuss one of the most important skills a couple can develop, communication. We take a look at questions from our Marriage Checkup Questionaire.

You can find Life in the Clouds on Podomatic, iTunes, Google Play, and now Stitcher Radio.

In this episode, we sneak away while the kids are occupied to record. We share updates on my office's cleaning plan and talk about priorities in marriage.

Don't Forget to Like, Comment and Subscribe

1. Lower Your Voice and Speak Slowly

2. Typically, the raised voice and rapid speech are telltale signs that we are out of control — that super-heated emotion is taking over. In those frames of mind, we usually come across as angry, hostile, controlling, but not in charge even of ourselves and our own emotions. A cool, calm low voice sends the message that we are not only in control, but that we have something of significance to offer the stressful situation.2. Say You Care

3. Conflict arises when needs are not being met or when wants and desires are at cross-purposes. The underlying message is that the offending party “really doesn’t care.”  One is not concerned about how the other feels. It’s “My way or the highway.” “He/she never considers what I would like to do.” “He and I never seem to be on the same page. He always gets his way!” The conclusion drawn from such statements is that the other doesn’t care. Conflict is moderated when there is affirmation that one is truly loved and cared for.3. Communicate Commitment